finally, a prayer

Not writing as often as I used to or as often as I want to. Probably, by the end of this year I'll have churned out a lot less than what I did the previous year. Which is fine perhaps since I am not in the publishing business ... but at the same time, doesn't quite feel right.

Today, I was just browsing and reading some of the blogs that I read when I went on to some newer blogs ... and was touched ... enough to actually consider writing something myself.

Having said that, I am still not sure what I really intend to write. The thing uppermost in my mind as I write this is my recent engagement. And yet, I am somehow not sure that I can share much about it.

It is funny really - like some sort of a curse out of Mahabharata perhaps - though I am generally able to express myself reasonably well both in writing and in speech, it is at times when I most need to express myself that these skills fail me. I have not been able to quite fathom this out yet. At times, I believe that this is me just being a man - unable to connect to what I really feel. That just does not seem to be likely enough. I don't know.

There isn't much point in agonising over that any further. The gist of the matter being that I am engaged and though it is on my mind, I refuse to write about it.

So .. what next?
Today is Diwali. No. I think today is Naraka Chaturdashi, tomorrow is Kali Pooja and the day after is Diwali. But I am not a pundit and do I cannot really verify this gut feeling. What matters is that we are currently celebrating the festival of lights here in India.

It is pretty late in the night but I can still hear the occasional fire cracker going off in the distance. The air outside is pretty thick with smoke ... stale ... sinking ... drifting. Pungent enough to drive the mosquitoes into the house though - which is why I have closed the window and the door.

Inside, I sit at my desk, hunched over my laptop. The ceiling fan turns overhead ... not really noisily ... but not quietly either. It is quiet enough for me to hear dad in the adjacent room when he sometimes mutters loudly in his sleep. I have the table lamp on my study desk pointed up towards the ceiling. The diffused light makes the room look very warm. The shadow of the Japanese lantern moves in rhythm with the fan as the lantern itself gently sways underneath.

Peace and quiet. The dogs are all quiet tonight - scared by the sounds of crackers going off all evening I suppose. No cars driving on the lane in front of my house either - possibly most of the offices closed early and no late drops from office.

Shipra is eating a traditional Bengali dish at a Diwali party somewhere ... she called a while ago.

It is at times like this that I can really appreciate all that I have.
One evening like this makes everything worthwhile.

Thank you for this moment God. And thank you for giving me the time and the ability to appreciate it...