restless.

We are caught...
No. I cannot pretend to represent any one other than myself.

Every generation must have this problem - that of being caught between the old and the new. Things change ... and not always for the better.

I come from a time (or perhaps this has more to do with the sort of education we were given) when the biggest things in life weren't the size of your car, the carpet area of your house ... or how many frills it has which you shall ever use.

The reason I chose to be an engineer was to be able to create. The reason I chose to be a computer engineer (and perhaps the reason for my love of the subject in the first place) was that - at least on first impression - it seems to give a more immediate sense of fulfillment. Things get done faster ... and there are no bricks. So, to build your bridge, you need to begin by designing the brick itself. So, at the end of each day, you have the satisfaction of having done something new. of having overcome a problem, of having provided a solution, of being a step closer to your goal ... immediate gratification perhaps if you would like to call it so.

However, having migrated to a city, I too am caught up in the same things that I mention so disdainfully to begin with. Though I earn way more than my parents ever did, at the end of the day, everything seems to cost that much more ... so you are no better off...

These may be contentious things. What prompted me to start blogging tonight, despite having a terrible headache and a stomach ache to go with it is that I came across the biography of Bob Dylan on the History channel.

What I say may not be true for millions of people around the world. However, in my protected life (I have a family, a good job, a house over my head, 3 square meals a day if I choose to have them or have the time, my biggest problem in life is trying to ensure that I get enough sleep and some time to exercise), I don't see it being very easy to really go do something remarkable.

In a world where not a stone has been left unturned, most of the challenges left are the ones that we ourselves have created. War, terrorism, war on terrorism, crime, corruption, religious hatred (an oxymoron?) ... mostly created by us - to keep us preoccupied it would appear. But what has happened is that there are almost no significant and meaningful challenges to come by (easily). There are no new lands to find. There are no new hills to climb. Someone has pooped on the moon even.

When the big challenges disappear, what you are left with is a sheltered life. And the challenges are the small challenges - the terrible traffic, the quarrelsome auto-wallahs, the corrupt bureaucracy, the price of onions, the dust on the road, the power cuts - and half of these again may not really exist in our lives. Just watching TV, reading the paper and raising our blood pressure. Not enough challenges.

That leaves us with just one avenue ... work. What do you do? How much do you do? What do you accomplish? How much do you accomplish? But is that enough?

I am not a teacher. At the end of the day, unlike my parents, I won't have a list of kids I transformed in to men. Unlike doctors I won't have a list of people I saved. Unlike a nurse, I won't have a list of people I would have helped ... and I wouldn't have conquered any new lands either.

So, at the end of the day, what would I have done that wouldn't be for me or my immediate family? Something that would make a difference to the way people live? Not to be remembered perhaps - like the inventor of the wheel - but something that touches lives everywhere and makes them better?

Isn't it a terrible waste of all the faculties that we have been gifted with ... if all we can use it for is our own personal benefit?

I don't even know the right question to ask.

??????