all set!!!

medical bills - submitted
electricity bill - paid
telephone bill - paid
water bill - paid
credit card bill - paid
plants - watered
kitchen - cleaned
overhead tank- filled up
garbage - dumped
laptop - given to a friend for safe keeping
car - parked at the office
out of office assistant - set
neighbors - informed
all doors and windows - shut

yeah ... just about set to take off for the new year celebrations ... mumbai ... here I come ...
that is just a sample of the huge checklist that I had to go through over the last few days to make it happen ... but finally, it is all done and in a couple of hours, I'll be at the airport, praying that the flight is on time ...

come what may, I intend to have a good time. have prepared even in the case the flight is delayed. have a couple of paperbacks handy ... packed within easy reach!

well, so this will almost definitely be my last post this year.

So here we are, on planet earth as it whizzes through space, celebrating the fact that it is about to complete another revolution around the sun. But things change ... just as time flows and we can never go back to where we were the last time the earth was here, earth really isn't where it was the last time. For the galaxy spins as well ... and the Sun revolves around the galactic centre ... and the galaxy moves too ... as a part of the apparent expansion of the universe ... not to mention the wobble of the earth on its axis and a zillion other things that I don't even know about.

but then ... who cares?
you don't really need a reason to celebrate. there is no reason why everyday shouldn't be a new year .... so, lets get down to it :)


Wish you all a Happy New Year!!!
Stay Safe. Party Hard.
I shall see you on the other side ...

rainy day

one of those days ... again.

last night, I dozed off listening to the sound of the rain ... I missed the sound that it makes when it beats down on a tin roof ... almost a constant background score for my childhood years. Here, I can't really hear it as it hits the concrete roof ... but I can hear it as it falls off the eaves into the little pools below ... plop ... plop ... ... plop.

There was a slight wind blowing as well. It wasn't too loud. You wouldn't have heard it unless you were alone perhaps ... no TV and no conversation to drown out the sound. It wasn't very cold ... but that sound really made me feel glad to be tucked in under the heavy cotton quilt.

Woke up early. Well rested. I sleep better when it is cold. With all the rain, there was one thing less to do this morning - I didn't have to water the plants. Opened the door to the terrace and stepped out to check what the day looked like. Overcast. The clouds looked too low and too heavy for comfort. Closed the door and tiptoed downstairs. It feels sacrilegious to break the silence in the mornings.

Brushed. Hunted for something clean to heat the water for the tea. Ground in some fresh pepper as the water boiled ... poured in a spoon of honey into the cup and the tea leaves into the sieve ... watched the water boil ... heard the bubbles as they rose to the surface and popped ... waited for the pepper to color the water ... just a little ... poured it over the tea leaves .... and smelt heaven.

A few minutes later, I found myself seated on my favourite side of the dining table ... looking out the window ... tea ... cigarette and a couple of salted biscuits. Contemplating the rain. Contemplating the mud.

15 minutes of peace ... 15 minutes of quiet ... 15 minutes of God.
In a Godless world.

has anyone ever transported a pet in india?

I want to get our dog and cats from my home town to Bangalore. Amazing at it seems, I can't seem to find a single way of doing it. It seems to be a gray area for most airlines and though the railways apparently allow it, I have not been able to confirm it officially so far.

It is quite disheartening really. Hopefully I shall find a way. The last thing we want is to leave them behind. And leaving them with other people isn't that easy either when they are such an integral part of the family.

Could the politicians that hog the airwaves preaching about cruelty towards animals and vegetarianism please do something to ensure that at least the government run transport systems have some clear guidelines regarding the transportation of pets?

I am sure this would help to some extent in reducing the number of stray dogs in our cities as well - so many of them wear collars. Perhaps their owners were unable to take them along when they changed location and left them to fend for themselves.

Suggestions welcome ...

Perhaps I can take a month off and spend it driving through the country from the North East to the South West with a dog and a couple of cats :)

П (pi)

Here I am. So full of the everyday, so full of the mundane, so full of the uneventful, so full of ....
That I have forgotten to look at the stars.

And then, I was awarded a book coupon. This lead to more contemplation of the mundane: Should I use this coupon to buy some of the books that I swear by but are unfortunately missing in my bookshelf? Or do I buy something new?

New won the day. It has been too long I felt. Too long since I have thought of new things. Time to move on. To explore new thoughts. New paths. And so, I got myself 4 books. A couple of them written by authors that I have read previously and a couple that are completely new.

That is how I ended up spending a couple of sleepless nights - reading "Contact" by Carl Sagan.

Any path is just a path ... or something to that effect said Don Juan ... or at least that is what Carlos Castaneda made of what he had been taught... And here I am, trudging along on a well beaten path, when I pick up a book and realize just how far I am from where I had begun - that I have forgotten to look at the stars.

The stars, perhaps, missing an admirer, conspired to send this book my way. That is how I discovered or should I say re-discovered П.

If that weren't conspiracy enough, it is just over a month since I got engaged ... and finally started wearing a ring ... a circle ... and here I am ... back full circle as it were ... and inexorably connected to one of the universal truths by a small circle of my very own. A part of the cosmos contemplating itself.

If this sounds incomplete, so let it be.
It is not for me to find your П for you ... and sharing mine may not help much with that either.
I do hope you find it though.
And I do hope I don't lose mine yet again.

maya

the world is maya ... everything in this world is a maya ...

for my lone south american reader i'll need to clarify here that i am not talking of the mayan civilization ... maya is a term that means illusion ... in my mother tongue it also means attachment and fondness ... in addition to illusion

as a hindu, initially by birth and later by choice, despite not being devout in the fundamental sense ... neither liberal in the "sitting on the fence" sense, the concept of the world and everything in it being an illusion is something that i concur with. one of the reasons perhaps, why i love richard bach's writing so much and cannot go beyond some 10 posts or so without talking about matrix.

so why talk of maya?

not to convince anyone else into looking at the world i do. but more to remind myself.

it hits you at weird times ... like the other day for instance, while i was watching the news regarding the stock markets ... the sub prime mess in the US and how it was impacting the markets world wide ... and how the various agents were playing out ....

isn't it amazing ... we began with a barter system ... i grow potatoes you grow meat ... i give you some potatoes ... you give me some meat and we both have a bit of both ... but what if you want wool and i want meat? no deal? but then the guy who has wool already has meat so he doesn't want meat ... duh?

so we settle on a thing that is valuable for everyone ... gold ... so i buy meat in exchange for gold ... you take that gold and use it to buy wool .. fur ... whatever ...

and then gold becomes a little cumbersome to lug around ... and it isn't all that safe to carry ... so then comes the replacement ... right from the time of Templar ... who were the first perhaps to start giving paper notes in lieu of money ... not really sure about the history but something along those lines ...

and then we have paper money ... and like that isn't enough, we now have credit cards and electronic money transfers and what not ... all make believe ... a system that we have created ...
and how often do we really look at it for what it is? an illusion that we can choose to change the way we want to? a concept born of our imagination and limited only by it...

and imagine how it has changed our world .. our definition of what constitutes "useful" work ... probably at least 80% of the work in the world ... if not more is absolutely unrelated to the things that we basically need ... food ... clothes ... shelter ... and yet we don't really need to worry about any of these things ...

farmer: so what do you do for a living?
writer: i write.
farmer: oh! but i have potatoes ... can i exchange it for something with you?
writer: sure i'll give you 3 poems for 10 potatoes ...
farmer: but i can't read ... and i don't like poetry ... sorry ... i'll go to someone who has meat ... or perhaps if you could water my fields ...
writer: no i'd rather stay hungry than water the fields ... i do a white collar job you know :)

the point of this post is not about hungry writers or money or even maya by itself.

as autumn turns to winter and the air gets colder, you feel the air as you breathe it in ... making you more aware of the fact that you are breathing ... more aware of the fact that you are alive ... and it helps you realize things that you don't always realize in warmer climes ...

like the fact that of all the illusions, one of the biggest perhaps is the one of not being alone. it does not matter how many friends you have ... how much family ... how much love ... how many enemies ... how much hate ... they are all just illusions ...

you are never ever anything but alone.

unposted

Oh ...

if only we could unask a question ...
if only we could unlive a life ...

Does the wind really blow?
Or does it suck at your flesh as it brushes past your cheeks?

Words are not enough.
They never are.
For things new and for things old.

To think of things that do not exist you need words that do not exist either.
But then you create ... the thought ... and the words ... the language ... to describe what you create.
But do you create it?
Can you create something that cannot exist?
You can't.
If you can't create something that cannot exist, then anything that you create can be created only because the possibility of its creation exists ...
so do you really create anything at all?
Or does everything already exist?
If so, where does everything exist?
Is there a place where everything has a place ... before it exists ... and after it is destroyed?
Or did this place just get created because I thought of it?
Do I know the answers?
If I think I do, does that change the answers?
Does it change the question?
The questions ... do they exist before I ask them?
Can I ask a question that cannot be asked?

Maybe I should unpost this post :)

100th

A century ... nothing remarkable really ... this isn't even a "blog of note".

I don't generally post twice on a day ... in fact, I don't think I have done that even once in the past 2 years since I started. So ... is it because I have more time in my hands today or is it to complete the century? Nobody wants to do a Sachin Tendulkar and miss century after reaching the nineties!

Neither actually. Was reading some stuff when I realized that one of our VPs had made it to Crain's 40 under 40 list. He is just 32.

I don't see myself becoming the VP of my company in the next 2 years. In fact, I am not sure that I'll make it till 40 either.

So ... what is wrong? I - in my arrogance perhaps - believe that I have it in me to make a mark ... to do something in this world that is worth it ... be successful. Why hasn't it happened yet then? What am I doing wrong?

To quote from JC, "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,But in ourselves, that we are underlings."

Need to find this fault in me ... and rectify it fast ... time is running out!!!

not writing

Started going to the gym some a couple of weeks ago. This isn't the first time. Over the years, I have tried several times but eventually, the enthusiasm petered down every time. This time, I hope it lasts me my life time.

Finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired. The air quality here in Bangalore has been deteriorating over the years. The first couple of years at work, I didn't have to take a single day off for not feeling well. This year on the other hand has been particularly bad... since August, I have had to take off at least 3 times!!!

So, after being on medication for a while, decided to stop popping pills and try the gym again. Feeling good ... more of a mental thing :) ... couldn't sleep much last night since every joint in the body was paining. Also trying to get a little regular with everyday things such as sleeping and waking up ... and trying to sleep 8 hours a day till things get better ... already I can feel the improvement in that area ... I think in another couple of weeks I can again cut back a couple of hours ... 6 hours should be fine.

Haven't been reading much either of late ... things were rather hectic I guess. The unabridged version of Moby Dick that I had started reading again a couple of months ago is still stuck half way. The Gibran I'd lent out hasn't come back .. need to get that too ... picked up "The Tao of Physics" again. I really like that book ... sometimes.

The magic that some authors are able to bring forth in their books is that you can read the same book umpteen number of times and never get tired of it. The reason being that your interpretation of the contents depends a great deal on the state of your mind. Hence, depending on your frame of mind, each time you read the book, you realize something new ... or different from whatever you saw the last time.

When I come across a book like that, I like to buy it.
Then - though I don't do this very often myself - you can scribble notes as you read the book on the book itself ... and make sure that you date the notes. The next time you read, you can do the same again ... in that way, you get to see how your interpretation of the book changes with time. It is a really interesting way of realizing how our perceptions change with time. How, at times we are more mature ... and at times we are less. How, our situation at a particular time colors everything we see ... even though we don't realize it at the time.

I wish I could write something like that.
Something that isn't just nice to read ... but holds up a mirror to the reader. A reflection of what is in your eyes rather than mine ... a reflection of your thoughts ... a reflection of your feelings ... of your passions ... your beliefs ... your dreams ... your desires ... a reflection that shows everything that is not there to be seen in a mirror ... and a reflection that captures time and timelessness ... that in its ripples remembers the you that were, the you that you are and the you that will be ...

Now you know why I'll never be an author ...

no readers

Not too many readers of late for my blog ... or maybe people are reading and not commenting.
Perhaps this has something to do with the fact that my posts have become rather sporadic too.
In fact, just to equal the number of posts that I wrote last year, I'll have to be pretty regular for whatever is left of this year.

Quite amazing really how fast the years fly by. I don't know whether this is true for others but I somehow feel that as a kid - right up to 10th standard - a year would stretch for ever. I'd get tired of being in the same class for what seemed like an eternity ... reading the same text books ... giving the same tests ... getting bored out of my bones .... in general.

From about the time I reached 11th, time has started flowing faster. The first sign of this was that around this time, for the first time I was unable to fit in everything that I wanted to do in 24 hours. This is about when I started cutting down on sleep in order to have more time for other stuff ... sometimes as less than 4 hours a day ... till I'd eventually start feeling feverish and catch up on sleep... perhaps about once a week. I couldn't imagine how anyone could possible sleep 8 hours in a day ... because that meant sleeping away one-third of a life that is way too short to begin with ... "we are like butterflies that flutter for a day and think it is eternity" to quote carl segan ...

Somehow, time never did slow down after that. All through engineering, the same problem remained. One new year eve hangover seemed to merge into the next in too brief a time. I thought then that perhaps this was because a semester was less boring than a full year ... though nothing really changed, perhaps it was the illusion of progress ... and having to study for 2 sets of exams in a year .. not to mention 2 set of holidays and "common-offs" that made the time fly by.

But here I am now, working ... at the same job many years at a time ... sleeping 8 hours again (much to my horror to make up for the allergies and stuff) ... no exams ... no holidays ... just work ... and yet ... time refuses to slow down. It is hurtling by at such a high speed that I am not even aware of the passing ... except for the attrition at the hairline thanks to the friction ...

So it is that time of the year again ... when you look back ... awe struck that another year has gone by ... and wonder ...

Imagine

Imagine silence. Imagine stillness. Imagine peace.

A silence where every sound feels like a ripple on a dark subterranean pond ... like the legs of a water spider ... bending the surface of the water but not quite breaking it ...

A stillness where every movement feels like a dance ... like the motion of the sea in some long forgotten cove on a deserted island ... as it gently reaches out to caress the land ... and tremulous retraces immediately ... noiseless...

A peace where every thought is like a wisp of cloud ... floating across a clear blue sky ... as you watch ... lying on your back on the grass ... bathed in warm sunshine ... following it with your eyes as it disappears into thin air ... or ... over the horizon...

Imagine everything beautiful. Imagine everything perfect.

Imagine ....

Going to hollywood!!!

Bloody boring posts!!!

I have deleted 3 drafts since morning. I want to write ... and yet I cant!!!
Writer's block!

Which would be fine if I were a writer. But I am not.
I am a blogger ... so is this a blogger's block?
Or since I type in my posts, is this a typist's block?
Or, considering the fact that I churn out posts, perhaps this is a poster's block?

Maybe, I am just happen to be in some sort of karmic sync with the writers in the US that went on a much publicised strike bringing some shows off the air.

Perhaps this is my chance to make it big? In a world where all the work from the first world is getting outsourced to the third, perhaps I can take this strike as an opportunity to showcase my talents ... and prove that we have what it takes to take on the responsibility ... if that is what it takes to churn out year after year and season after season of soap to keep a popcorn eating gigmanity glued by their butts to their coaches ...

Yeah ... and at half the cost!!!

Perhaps I can pull of a coup and get to write the next season of "sex and the city" ... give it a third world context perhaps and name it "shacks and the shitty" or something equally full of subtle humor ... and meaning?

Perhaps I could write Jay Leno's show - they were worried that it'd go off the air since he generally spoofs current affairs ... Now that was news ... Jay Leno doesn't crack his own jokes?
Here in India, someone plants a coconut tree ... some poor bugger risks life and limb to climb up the infernal thing and bring down the darn coconut ... someone sells it ... someone else buys it ... and someone eventually cracks it some place ... generally on the floor of some temple. So, the idea that someone doesn't crack their own jokes is not such an alien concept after all ... we don't crack our own nuts either (pardon the pun) ... so this is a viable option too!

Darn .. what else? Hollywood movies? Who knows?
I don't think I am willing to give up on that either as mission impossible!
So, maybe this is it ... maybe this is my last post ...

Hollywood ... here I come!!!
(Spider man had better be prepared to climb some coconut trees in his next sequel to a sequel to a sequel)

Autumn

Autumn is finally here ... again.
(The first time I declared that to be the case was towards the end of July if I remember right)

I felt it this morning as I woke up - despite the sneezing. Saw it - as I opened the door and stepped out - in the clear blue skies and the sunlight glancing off the tallest trees. And I smelt it in the air. I enjoyed the nip in the air even as I devoured it by the lungful. Felt good. Even in the car, stuck in the traffic jam on the way to office, I actually had the time to sit back, relax and watch the lake ...



Maybe today was just another day. It is just that for me, since childhood, autumn has always been so special that I cannot stop this feeling of exhilaration from taking me over completely. Autumn as a kid meant the Durga Pooja holidays ... 10 days or more ... lots of gifts and Diwali not too far away. It also meant exams ... but that was a trivial concern. What really mattered were the 3 months of winter holidays.

There was the excitement of packing up and going off to be with Dad for the holidays. No studies!

Sometimes, it would not be possible to visit Dad. But that meant that we'd spend the holidays in the pine woods behind our colony - exploring. The pine needles would fall in a thick slippery carpet between the trees. We'd get rusty pieces of tin and use them to "ski" on the slopes. Inevitably, we'd eventually get cut or nicked by the tin sooner or later ... and then there would be the long walk up the hill to my uncles house to get the dreaded anti-tetanus shot.

A million other memories come to mind. I remember sitting out in the yard, back to the sun, eating oranges. Just that doing nothing else. Eating oranges. We'd use the "magnifying glass" to burn patterns into the wooden veranda railings. Hours of sunshine gave us a lot of time to get creative.

Playing cricket, badminton and other games - what made that so special was the fact that we kids actually cleared out a field by ourselves. We used it for a winter or two before someone came and built a house on it.

We didn't watch a whole lot of movies or TV. There wasn't any fast food to be had - unless you count bulls eyes (hard orange sweets). There was just us ... my brother, me, our small gang of friends, mom, dad, grandparents, my uncle aunt and cousin ... there were Enid Blytons (strictly for me - I was the book worm) ...

And that was about all.
And, that was about enough too ...
for then - and today I realize - for the life time to come.

finally, a prayer

Not writing as often as I used to or as often as I want to. Probably, by the end of this year I'll have churned out a lot less than what I did the previous year. Which is fine perhaps since I am not in the publishing business ... but at the same time, doesn't quite feel right.

Today, I was just browsing and reading some of the blogs that I read when I went on to some newer blogs ... and was touched ... enough to actually consider writing something myself.

Having said that, I am still not sure what I really intend to write. The thing uppermost in my mind as I write this is my recent engagement. And yet, I am somehow not sure that I can share much about it.

It is funny really - like some sort of a curse out of Mahabharata perhaps - though I am generally able to express myself reasonably well both in writing and in speech, it is at times when I most need to express myself that these skills fail me. I have not been able to quite fathom this out yet. At times, I believe that this is me just being a man - unable to connect to what I really feel. That just does not seem to be likely enough. I don't know.

There isn't much point in agonising over that any further. The gist of the matter being that I am engaged and though it is on my mind, I refuse to write about it.

So .. what next?
Today is Diwali. No. I think today is Naraka Chaturdashi, tomorrow is Kali Pooja and the day after is Diwali. But I am not a pundit and do I cannot really verify this gut feeling. What matters is that we are currently celebrating the festival of lights here in India.

It is pretty late in the night but I can still hear the occasional fire cracker going off in the distance. The air outside is pretty thick with smoke ... stale ... sinking ... drifting. Pungent enough to drive the mosquitoes into the house though - which is why I have closed the window and the door.

Inside, I sit at my desk, hunched over my laptop. The ceiling fan turns overhead ... not really noisily ... but not quietly either. It is quiet enough for me to hear dad in the adjacent room when he sometimes mutters loudly in his sleep. I have the table lamp on my study desk pointed up towards the ceiling. The diffused light makes the room look very warm. The shadow of the Japanese lantern moves in rhythm with the fan as the lantern itself gently sways underneath.

Peace and quiet. The dogs are all quiet tonight - scared by the sounds of crackers going off all evening I suppose. No cars driving on the lane in front of my house either - possibly most of the offices closed early and no late drops from office.

Shipra is eating a traditional Bengali dish at a Diwali party somewhere ... she called a while ago.

It is at times like this that I can really appreciate all that I have.
One evening like this makes everything worthwhile.

Thank you for this moment God. And thank you for giving me the time and the ability to appreciate it...

Guess I’ll never be a prophet.

The last post was about whether I’d ever stop blogging and for all practical purposes, I have. So, one may want to believe that I’ll never make it as a prophet or a soothsayer.

On the other hand, the more optimistically inclined may construe this last post to be a premonition about things to come – the fact that I touched upon the topic – the actual contents of the post being irrelevant.

So, now that we are as uncertain about my prophetic abilities as when we began, it is a good time to move on to some other topic. The prior paragraphs having done justice to the title of the post.

There are a million things that have kept me away from blogging, photo.net and all my other online activities in general.

My Parents are back with me and we are having a pretty good time together. Durga Pooja was came and went … and the shopping that goes with that came and stayed. Just prior to that, my in-laws-to-be were here, and that was pretty exciting too … and then there has been the shopping for the engagement … and shopping generally … and all sorts of stuff …
Add to this my normal office work and add to that the fact that I haven’t been keeping quite so well for a while and you get a picture – chaotic huh!

Yes and of late the next new adventure has been second life which is why the animation project has taken a back seat too!

Coming back to this not keeping well thing …

My malady has been diagnosed as “environmental allergy” – an allegation that I cannot deny. I am, after all, allergic to a whole bunch of things around me as many of my previous posts all bear witness. Surprisingly, the reaction is apparently not confined to my mind alone but manifests itself in my body as well. The good news is that it isn’t anything I can worry myself to death over … and it shouldn’t kill me either. As a matter of fact, on the contrary, in all likelihood it will actually get over by the end of the season and in the meanwhile, I continue to be my usual grumpy, irritable self.

I sometimes can’t help feeling that this is just the sort of malady that Jerome K. Jerome was talking about in three men in a boat (not to mention the dog) – something that can be cured by a pointless boat trip down a scenic placid river. In the middle of all the chaos, I cannot help but imagine myself adrift in a boat on a river with some of my friends … ah! Solitude … blue skies with wispy white clouds … the sound of the water against the sides of the boat … the gentle rolling motion … droplets of water as my friends row the boat … my feet tucked in comfortably under the dog … warm and fuzzy … maybe a bee buzzing here and there among the low hanging boughs that pass by … bliss!

Coming back to that prophecy thing, in my previous post, I mentioned that one line that I am almost jealous for not having written myself ….perhaps, there’s a really good reason why I wasn’t destined to write it.

Come April, I’ll be married to Shipra … and on 31st of October, I shall be engaged to her. I am inclined to believe that this is why fate would have it that I was not the one to write that that line … and yet, I yearn too … to write something that would touch someone as much … I don’t know whether that line sounds so beautiful to me because it contains a name that I so relate to or whether I’d react just as strongly if there was some other name there … but I’d give anything to be able to touch someone with my writing as much.

Well, wishful thinking aside, the writing I assume shall continue … for better or worse. The more interesting thing is that I cannot quite write off a career as a prophet just yet either ….

So, stay tuned … who knows what’ll happen next (how bloody un-prophetic of me to admit that though).

will I ever stop blogging?

Down with fever yet again ... this time worse than before ... crossing 102 every few hours.

Feeling slightly better now ... was randomly checking my favourites on IE on my laptop ... which is placed conveniently close to my bed when I came across a blog that I had book-marked for following. In one of his posts he wrote something that so touched me somehow that I really really wanted to read everything he ever wrote ... but then the author disappeared ... leaving his blog to languish for the past three and a half years.

The words that so struck me and that I am almost jealous for not having written myself are as follows (reproduced here without permission ... am not sure how to contact the author but here is a link to the original blog):

"Shipra was the girl whose picture you want to carry in your wallet so that when someone asks "Why didn't you get married?" the next time, you can show them the pic and say "Because she did". "

The weird thing is that you would expect someone that wrote so well to continue writing. However, the person has disappeared. And, like i mentioned in a previous post, there is no way of knowing just what has befallen the individual. So, while you hope for the best ... like perhaps the old bloke just got married and quite obviously gave up everything else for a lack of time ... there is always that little thing at the back of your mind ...

So, what are the chances that I'll stop blogging?

When I began writing this post, I thought the answer would be - never.
But now, as I sit at the comp the next morning finishing the post, I realize that sometimes life leaves you with very little time. You may care about a million things but with time as a critical resource, at some point you need to quantify and rank your concerns ... and you realize that you care about some things so much more that you may be willing to give up everything else for them ... and so, a time may come when I shall indeed stop blogging.

When I think of it today, the most likely reason for me to eventually stop blogging will probably be this: I dislike doing things mechanically just for the sake of doing them. If for lack of time or whatever other reason, I find myself writing only for the sake of continuity, just to keep the blog alive, that will probably be the day I hang up my keyboard as it were ...

Yeah ... that'd be it.

lost and found

Here is something I found while cleanig out old files from my comp


Dated 4th December, 2004:


"something has to end for something else to begin.
and so, this story begins where one just ended.
"just" sometimes takes on a temporal significance, but in this case I am just trying to say that they fit in together with a continuity that is so much a part of our lives.
Early on a saturday morning, i antagonize my neighbors again by opening the huge sliding (sic) gat in front of my house that screeches open on its wheels to allow the car that has just dropped me to take a turn and go out of the narrow lane that passes in front of my house. It is 3:30 in the morning, and I am not coming home after a night of partying on friday evening. on the contrary, i have just reached home from office."


The other interesting thing in life is that I have been experimenting with some computer animation. provided my interest does not wan some time soon, expect some of that to get posted pretty soon :)

Freedom@Midnight

60 years of freedom – that is what my country celebrated about 2 weeks ago.
What does it mean though? For me … and for the millions that call themselves Indian.

I don’t know. Perhaps, it means the freedom to make your own rules. Maybe, it is the freedom to break any rules that you want to. It probably means nothing really other than the acceptance of living in a society which for all purposes has always been quite free.

Irrespective of whether we were ruled by Kings or the British or by our selves, at the ground level, it never really has made much of a difference to the common man. No matter who rules, we have a way of dealing with the nitty-gritty of it – the rules themselves. We have always found ways around them … bent them when it suited our purpose and championed them when that suited our purpose. We are value changers … a quality on a level that leaves the poor Boggart way behind … like a cruise missile compared to an arrow.

If you don’t believe how easily we change values, think of someone that needs to cross a road in order to get across to his or her car. The person shall invariably jaywalk across the road, cursing the drivers that come hurtling down trying to make it through the signal before it turns red showing no remorse or concern for the pedestrian that is so valiantly trying to go across the road.

As this person dances through the traffic, hurling abuses as the drivers who reciprocate in kind, all the while trying to make it to his car, he is just another of the hundreds of people much aggrieved and appalled by the conditions on the Indian road.

Finally, having made it across the road, the person pulls out his keys and boards his car. And in the blink of an eye, everything changes. As he turns on the ignition, slips into gear and honks his way out of the parking lot, he realizes that his way is blocked by mindless jaywalking pedestrians. He has no patience for these lesser creatures as they scurry about on their daily chores. He guns his engine and hurtles through the traffic hurtling abuses at everyone as he swerves across lanes and even goes over the sidewalks every once in a while to avoid a traffic jam or a traffic signal.

Freedom!

Freedom at midnight … perhaps it is only right that it happened at midnight … a portent for the things to come …

I could tell you about freedom and what it means to me. But, we are a democracy. A “civilized” translation of the old jungle paradigm “might is right”. The assumption being that if people with opposing views came head to head, the numerically superior group would win. That of course, as we all know very well, is not true. All the great generals - be it Babur, Alexander or whoever else you fancy - have proved it again and again.

But there you have it … for all practical purposes your thought does not count. Not when you are such a ludicrous minority that believes in such lunacy as crossing the roads at the zebra crossing when the traffic light is red, not jumping signals just because there are no cops and there are no cars coming from the other direction, not dumping vegetable waste in front of your neighbors gate in order to feed the cow, jump the queue at lunch, take your dog out to take a dump at your neighbors gate …

Well, who says freedom isn’t worth all the hype around it? At least I can crib all I want and not end up in Siberia or Guantanamo.

Ah! Freedom!!!

sound of music

Been down and out for the last one week. Got back to work this week and finally feeling much better. For the most part, in the interim, I wasn't up to writing any posts. Had to delete a couple that I did start as I was interrupted in between ... and I generally don't save to drafts ... and then there is one that I am struggling with about my latest interest in life (already waning) regarding the origin of man, theory of evolution, creationism etc.

This post isn't about any of that though.

The weather here has been as bleak as my mood for most of this time. This morning however was different. The sun was out, it was bright and there was a gentle breeze blowing. As I opened the door towards the back of the house, it wafted in and made its way through the house - letting itself in through the broken window panes at the front of the house (broken by the neighborhood kids with their catapults) and out the back door - heaven.

Takes little, really, to feel good: To breathe without having to hear it bubble through the snot and then wheeze into your lungs ... only to be expelled by the lungful when you sneeze or cough ... a little bit of sun ... a little bit of wind ... and yes ... music!

Yeah. My maid decided to come in on time today to do the cleaning (a remarkably bright day in all its aspects) ... for I did not have to go into the shower dreading the door bell to ring the moment I turn it on ... so there she was breezing in bright and early, dazzling me with her bright yellow dentures in what could only have been a smile ... leaving me with no option but to wait for her to finish. As good a time as any for listening to some music.

So, I dug out my mp3 player from under the cushions, figured that it had enough juice to last a while provided I went light on the volume and didn't fiddle with the options too much ... and before I knew it, preisner was booming through the house (or so it would seem as i was wearing ear phones) ... I passed beethoven to hit some expletive laden rap by I don't know who ... it wasn't too bad actually ... then shuffled past lobo on to some jagjit singh and finally landed on our song ... yup we have "our song" :D (in case you are wondering who is "we" stay tuned for further updates)

Here is a link to "our song" inserted with permission from "her".

youTube link to our song

It was with great reluctance that I finally got out of that mode ... even after the maid had left.
There's nothing quite like it - the sound of music ...

I'm nobody! Who are you?

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us -- don't tell!
They'd advertise -- you know!

How dreary to be somebody!
How public like a frog
To tell one's name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

by Emily Dickinson

Amazing poem ... but takes some getting used to in real life.

Of late, in the mornings, on history channel, they show various battles from the second world war and in most of them, there are also some interviews with survivors. Incredibly lucky people that survived battle after battle after battle to actually see the war end and live on to a ripe old age.

I don't know how they feel or whether they consider themselves to be all that lucky. Imagine watching so many of your friends dying around you - violently. Imagine, living every moment not knowing whether it would be your last. Imagine coming back home to find half of your childhood friends haven't made it back ... scars like that don't heal.

I envy them though.

In their youth, they had a purpose. Something to live for and die for. Perhaps this is a romanticized view of the draft ... you had to fight irrespective of what you believed in ... your country is at war ... you cannot stand and question why ... yours is to but to do or die ... (misquoted).

Having lived through such times of tremendous uncertainty, and having come out alive, I am sure they are able to appreciate each and everything around them a lot more than we ever will. After seeing all that death, they must fully comprehend just how much of a blessing life really is. Eating soggy bully beef from a leaky can as the rain pours on you and drips down your trench coat to collect in puddles around your feet ... a mix of earth, ashes, cigarette stubs, gun powder, diesel, lubricating oils ... and last but not the least ... blood. I am sure someone that has had a meal like that won't crib too much about the salt in the food. They will appreciate that their hands don't smell of stale moist tobacco and the air doesn't smell of burnt flesh as they eat. The fact that the food is warm, has been served on a table, on a clean dish, under a glowing light, in a warm house and smells so wonderful.

Each day on earth must be a like a day in heaven for them... though sleep might be difficult to come across and every dream may take them back to some obscure beach at the other end of the world with tracer bullets shooting up spurts of dirt around the ankles.

I pity us. A generation that has gotten things on a platter and cannot really appreciate it for what it is. Perhaps I should speak for myself.

No place for a Vasco da Gama or a Columbus to go to ... no new straits for a Captain Cook to sail. No battles for a Nelson to fight, no valley of death for a light brigade to charge (though it might be better not to mention this particular goof up and portray it as something that it never was to begin with).

We live in times when all of gigmanity lives one common dream - how much wealth can you accumulate. Bill Gates is God. Most people appreciate Tiger Woods not so much for the golf that he plays as much as for the money that it has earned him. Perhaps, it can be said that every other example that I have taken was also driven by a lust for wealth ... explorers that wanted to make money ... be it from spices or slaves or new lands ... but somehow it all feels different.

The whole point of this post is perhaps just the inner turmoil that I have.
Here I am ... and who am I? And what have I done? And what will I do? And when will I do it?
Here is me fighting with myself. The realization dawned earlier perhaps but the acceptance is still not there ... that I am just another average guy with a 9 to 5 job who has pretty much lived a good part of his life and really doesn't have much to show for it.

Everyday life is about too many things that I never thought it would be about ... mundane ... paying bills, negotiating the traffic to office, paying taxes, buying groceries, repairing the sump, figuring out how to buy a house ...

Is this what life is all about?

So ... do I accept things the way they are and settle down to being nobody? Or do I have the guts to do something about it ... and if so what? what would really measure up to be a purpose in life?

This isn't so much about being somebody as it is about being able to look back at life and smile with satisfaction and tell god:

... tell god ... something short and crisp and quotable.

goodbye (maudlin)

As lobo said, and I quote (in that irritating matter gesturing with both your hands in the air):
"just like forgive, forget and try again
goodbye is just another word ..."

(if you liked the previous song that I'd posted, lobo is another singer that you'd probably like listening to)

While I agree with him wholeheartedly on this and most other issues, it does not change the fact that I am terrible with goodbyes myself. As a result, I tend to avoid them altogether; Generally by staying in touch for ever and ever and ever or (as has been the case a few difficult times) walking out pretty abruptly on the person without ever bothering to establish contact again or allowing the other person to do so ... and in a very few instances just failing to show up at the farewell meeting as it were.

Why all this talk about goodbyes?

My cousin came over to my house this weekend so that we could spend some time together before he left for home. Having completed his study and qualified as a dentist, it is time for him to go home and take his first steps in the real world in the footsteps of his father (my uncle) who is also a doctor.

Somehow, every time I looked at him, it failed to register that he was Dr. so and so ... to me he is still the kid brother ... It isn't all rose tinted stuff. As kids, we often fought tooth and nail over inconsequential things ... but there you have it.

We flipped through some of the old albums together... Durga Pooja time photographs ... found us wearing our first fake plastic watches ... with the shirt sleeves pulled way up so that the photographer didn't miss this most important detail ... other pics in which one or the other of us had bared their gums in a wide toothless grin ... wearing a birthday hat ...

We remembered almost every photograph with the incidents leading up to it ... in those days cameras were still rather expensive and not every kid was allowed to handle one ... so every once in a while we bumped into a pic of one of us looking all grumpy as one of the older cousins got the honor of being the one behind the lens ... somehow, the photographer still remains as much a part of the photograph despite having not appeared in it ...

Then there is the occasional photograph where one of us did get to touch the camera ... and that picture is really frozen somewhere in the eye of the mind ... burnt into some microcosm of our brains and even today, as you look at it you experience the thrill that you did then when holding the camera ... and the only image you see is the one that you saw on that day through the view finder ... and all importantly called out "ready!!! ... say cheese!!!"

We spent the weekend talking some, watching movies, exchanging mp3s, watching old music videos... yeah we still get goosebumps from Metallica and the likes ... and eating of course ... what else can a couple of bongs do when they get together?

I realized that though my cooking has probably become better over the years, (you may choose to read that the outcome of the exercise has become more predictable), my appetite isn't what it used to be ... I realized with some consternation that probably for the first time, my younger cousin was probably able to eat more than me ...

We had breakfast lunch and dinner ... full blown that too ... over the last few years, thanks to the nature of the job, I am more used to one proper meal a day ... that too generally at the canteen ... which to be fair to the guys who sweat into it ... is mediocre at its best. Weekends, when given a choice between sleeping and eating, I choose to sleep ...

Anyway, on my way to office today I dropped him off near the bus stand ... gave him some gyan (big bro style) ... that pair of boots, I don't wear too well .. but then anyways ... and told him to drop by once in a while ...

But then I hardly ever get to meet my relatives ... they are too comfortably settled to travel all the way to meet me ... and I am too highly strung to spend a holiday that does not have some high serious unwinding involved ... so (if ever (though I must admit that sounds far fetched even to myself(but not all that far-fetched considering the fact that I last met my own brother about seven years ago))) it is as Shakespeare so aptly put it in Julius Caesar when Brutus says ... and yes I am wildly swinging my arms and clawing at the air again to indicate the double quotes:

"For ever, and for ever, farewell, Cassius!
If we do meet again, why, we shall smile;
If not, why then, this parting was well made."

turned on comment verification

I decided to turn on some word verification for the comments today.

What does this mean for those that take the time to comment on my blogs?

The only difference (as I understand it) is that you will need to type in some word that Google will throw at you like a doodle - just to make sure that there is a human at the other end writing out the comment. (You don't need to have a blogger account to comment.)

I am extremely sorry for this inconvenience. Every comment is valuable to me since it means that someone has taken the time not only to read what I write, but also, perhaps to think over it and then has made the effort to let me know what they thought. I really appreciate this a lot and making it even a little tougher was not an easy decision.

However, of late, I have been getting spurious comments from bots - very irritable.

The way I see it, these bummers have two options: They could either spend the money needed to create a better bot that can read doodles or they can spend money on getting a typist who is willing to go to different blogs and paste the same crap over and over again.

I am hoping more of "these bummers" will opt for the former rather than the latter ... wherein I can claim to have helped fund research on AI, handwriting recognition, pattern matching ... and a whole plethora of arcane terms that will serve to highlight my philanthropic and technically enlightened nature!!!

So, please bear with it (word verification for comments and my humility) and keep the comments coming ...

thursday evening

unfortunately, writing about it on Saturday morning ... which means that you don't get to know what I was up to yesterday and today ... but life isn't fair ... so let's just get on with it.

smoking as we know is a bad habit - if it is a habit that is.
smoking by itself - like everything else - is neither good nor bad.
for me, it sometimes gives me an opportunity to observe things in the middle of an otherwise hectic day as we mindlessly or rather, shortsightedly scuttle about our daily chores in a rush to get over with the day.

so there I was, on thursday evening, after the conf call was done, wondering whether or not to and finally deciding to, and also deciding to walk down to the lake side that I mentioned in one of my earlier posts to support the needy while I was at it...

I walked out of the office to the warm glow of the sodium vapor lamps. Something felt different. I initially assumed that it was just me feeling happy about a fruitful day at work - when I got quite a bit done - and with a couple of hours left to go, there was the promise that it would end up even better ...

As the cars honked their way home like flocks of geese (but for the lack of formation), with beams on full, lighting up the scowls of the drivers as they turned the corners, I realized that the air was actually a little cooler, and perhaps it was because of the dust in the air, but it felt a lot like the onset of autumn ... an early september evening in Delhi perhaps ... when there is a slight mist in the air ... there are dew drops on the grass ... frost I think ... but either ways, it is wet to the bare feet and you can just about smell the earth because of the moisture... yes. That is why I was feeling good. Or maybe things looked that way because I was feeling good.

Well, I proceeded to walk slowly, thanking god for the space that he had given me to appreciate the beauty ... which most of the humanity around me appeared to be so oblivious to. I went to my favourite corner, looking out over the lake through the wire-mesh fence and watched the gentle ripples ... the wind wasn't too strong ... barely caressing the face ... just strong enough to prevent you from blowing smoke circles I realized. The sky was lighter too ... probably because of the smog and dust or perhaps because of the clouds (it rained cats and dogs later that night) ... but it looked pretty amazing ... like something surreal out of an alien landscape ... I could almost imagine myself to be on mars or some other planet ...

The lights were reflecting off the lake, I could see the line of headlights in the distance across the lake ... one white car with those irritating bluish-purple (UV?) lights actually looked good in the reflection.

The cigarette eventually burnt out. I stubbed it out and walked back. Happy.

burning time ...

It is amazing how we waste so much time when we have it ... and crib so much when we don't have any. If we were to go down the ages and look for the one resource that has probably been wasted the most, it wont be fossil fuels and the like ... it is time ...

Here is a nice song that sort of made me think of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mHaFMqde6A

You can check out the lyrics as well .... just google for "Live Like You Were Dying" ...

pottering about

watched the new potter movie. hopefully it will be the last ... there is such a thing as too much of a good thing i suppose ... the end of the movie looked somewhat contrived ... a little as though someone was working against the constraints created by matrix-III ... or maybe I have too much matrix on my mind. i don't intend to give the end away .. hence no spoiler warning...

otherwise a pleasant weekend... about as pleasant as they get these days ... a little short on food and sleep ... the rest was okay. but then isn't a weekend supposed to be about food and sleep? so perhaps, it wasn't all that okay after all. will need to work on that.

not much to say. unless it is to say that somehow, a chilly plant has grown in my back yard and it has actually started producing chillies ... somehow quite delightful to see it against the backdrop of the closely clustered houses.

after watching a program on nat geo, I now realize that the spiders that infest my house are perhaps more exotic and varied than I believe them to be ... which also brings forth the thought that it may not be good to be bitten by one of them ...

I guess the creator of spiderman wanted him to look good - which is why on 70mm or whatever - he spins his web from his wrists ... but then should such a transformation actually occur in real life, what are the chances that spiderman will have his spinnerets where most of the real spiders have them??? (uggghhh!!!)
(can't help wondering how many takers will be there for watching spiderman 4 if this subtle change were to be made ... I suspect spiderman 3 pretty much originated thereabouts so it shouldn't really be a big change anyway)

... this post is going places where it shouldn't be going :D

hyperactive imagination early in the week - accentuated by the aforementioned lack of food and sleep no doubt! ... have a good week ahead!

darn! just remembered another observation from the previous spiderman movie when his girlfriend gets to know that peter parker is the spiderman ... at this melancholy moment suddenly sirens can be heard in the background ... peter looks up with his large baleful eyes ... like a spaniel ... as if seeking permission to leave ... while also expressing his helplessness in case she isn't too okay with him going off ... and she says ... yeah try and beat this ... she says ... "go get 'em tiger"!

so now shouldn't the new jingle be ...
"tigerman! tigerman! ... at the scene. of a crime... he arrives. just in time ... "

And talk about being delusional ... fall for a spider and imagine it to be a tiger! honey were you thinking of tarzan in his leotards (and even those are spotted not striped!)???

gibran

i don't have anything specific to write. i am not even sure that i want to write right now. so, mentally i am prepared for a lengthy post.

"You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts. And when you can no longer dwell in the solitude of your heart you live in your lips and sound is a diversion and a pastime. And in much of your talking, thinking is half murdered. For thought is a bird if space, that in a cage of words may indeed unfold its wings but cannot fly" - Kahlil Gibran
Very true. And relevant to me these days.

Read this today on one of the blogs that I read pretty regularly. It is from the book - "the prophet". An amazing book. A must read. A must understand. A must remember too.

Every other one liner that has left a mark on me - for their truth as much as for the beauty of the phrasing - has been from Gibran.

"your pain is the breaking of a shell that contains your understanding" ... Gibran again touching you places that Michael Bolton asks permission for ("can I touch you there...")
What astounds me about his writing is the practicality of everything that he says. The lucidity with which he expresses himself ... and the fact that he can actually just sit somewhere and write it all down ...

I don't know whether it is true for others ... for myself, when I am knee deep in shit, I am as wise as Gibran ... or his prophet rather.

However, sitting at my desk over a cup of coffee, under a table lamp, with the fan whirring over my head and the mosquitoes buzzing around my ankles, the dense smoke from the incense sticks merging with the equally dense fumes from the cigarette and the aroma of the coffee bringing forth the signature essence that sort of screams "PEACE" and "CALM" and "HOME (alone)" ... I doubt if I could come up with such gems of wisdom.
Would you?

generally rambling

The results of the poll showed that no one liked the new template. The only "yes" vote was mine :(
So here we are, with a new template ... and no more voting this time. This is wider - which is good for the kinda sentences that I write ... which go on and on and on ... with ellipses as the delimiter of choice, hyphenated with hyphens here and there - this particular statement being a example in itself!

The color is nice too ... light on the eyes ... the pic in the background leaves some to be desired ... but then you can't have everything i.e. be too lazy to design your own template and hope that a prefabricated one will have everything that you are looking for ... and then some more.

The weekend was good. Saturday was all about Kafka and Sunday was all about the Wimbledon Men's Final. Not much sleep and definitely short on food - didn't feel like cooking and of late, my favorite home delivery guy has been turning out turd from his pans.

The weather here is amazing ... cloudy ... drizzles once in a while for about 5 minutes or less ... there is a stiff breeze blowing at most times. The lake next to the cigarette-sellers has risen quite a bit (because of the intermittent rains I presume) and has lost its putrid smell as well. The water is still as green as ever ... a little darker than the Atlantic ... and definitely not as cold. It is quite mesmerizing to watch the ripples caused by the wind as it blows across.

Have been going there twice a day to watch the lake and to support the guy that sells the cigarettes. Tough life for him. I don't give him much business either ... any more. He stands with his back to the lake. I on the other hand brave the short walk to the lake just to see it.

Water ... reflections ... sigh.

Reading "The Metamorphosis" over the weekend hasn't helped ... or rather, it has helped. I am not really into existentialism exclusively ... but from whatever little I know of it, and other associated thought structures, I know that my beliefs cannot really be boxed in under one label at any given point in time ... and if you consider my views in time, I've probably had a finger in every pie as it were ...

It helps to remember once in a while some of the fundamentals that we tend to take for granted from day to day ... that our lives are always what we make of it for example ... (sort of) independent of the circumstances we are in. The book, has reminded me of things, because of which, though the number of hours in the day have not increased, the space that I have has.

This post is extremely disconnected ... but that is how I think as well perhaps. There are too many things that I want to write about as well ... and now that the frequency of my posts has decreased, it is exceedingly difficult to put in everything into one post while also doing justice to all the topics at hand.

Wimbledon.
Too bored to write any further.

building downwards

The other day, I was watching some program on Nat-Geo or discovery - mega-structures - I think. They were showing the tallest structures in the world, and how, since 9/11, the structural designs are being reconsidered given that they need to be capable of withstanding huge impacts.

A few apartment buildings are coming up in my locality - which primarily consisted of row-houses till now. I don't know how legal they are, but this means that the remaining houses get less light and air. Not to mention the problem of people discarding trash from their balconies etc.

The first impression of US that I remember is just the feeling of wide open space. Living in a suburb of Chicago, I was delighted by the amount of sky I could see. No clutter of phone lines, power lines and myriad other cables with the occasional tattered old kite hanging off the wires; No skewed electricity posts held together by faded posters from a hundred past elections and a thousand past candidates - liberally sprinkled with excess lime and betel-nut juice if they happen to be near a pan shop. Just blue skies.

Recently, in Calcutta, I went to a layout where the rule is that no one is allowed to build higher than two floors - to ensure that all houses have enough light and air. They also have very stringent requirements regarding the amount of open space that must be left on each side of the house during construction. This was very refreshing, after having lived in Bangalore for a while, where people go as high as they want and build as close to the next plot as they can - any land you leave free might be encroached on by someone else - hence understandable perhaps.

Well, anyway, all these different things came together in a flash of inspiration this morning. Not sure what triggered it. Wasn't feeling too well, woke up late and was munching down some breakfast that I had thrown together, staring at the TV, when I realized that it would be nice if cities grew downwards rather than upwards. That would take care of all these problems.

I realize that building a mantle-scraper instead of a sky-scraper has its own problems. The cost of construction would be a lot higher, the water table for the area could get impacted ... and so on and so forth.
But think of it - even in the high rises, despite the windows, artificial lighting is generally used throughout the day. Most of them are air conditioned and the windows are not really meant for letting in air either. Most of them are death traps anyway, and being above ground does not really make it any easier to leave the building in case of exigencies.

So, instead of building high, why not dig deep?

All the soil that comes up from the excavation can be used for landscaping over the building site. So, the deeper a building goes, the higher the mound over it will become and this can be fashioned into a garden and landscaped etc to make the city look more beautiful.

We can have forests over the busiest parts of down town. Roads can be as wide as you want them to be - if we opt for more surface roads to clear the traffic congestion. All surface dwellings should be only one or two floors high at best ... only residential houses and such ... small shops perhaps ... or the syndicated ones that choose to operate from smaller outlets.

I don't know ... just a thought ... a lot of people have come and gone and if no one has thought about it or done it, I guess the associated costs must be prohibitively high or perhaps there are more problems involved than I am willing to consider.

It brings a lovely image to my mind though ... thousands of people working in one place ... but able to come out for a lunch break and enjoy pristine pure nature :)

A dreamer once... a dreamer always...

another opportunity to exercise your franchise :)

Gone are the days when you had to brave the prevalent weather to reach a polling station ...
stand in a queue, figure out whether your name is on the voters list, hope that no one will come and mount an armed attack on the polling booth and pray that no one will decide to blow up a cycle bomb next to the queue in an effort to "undermine the democratic process" or to express their disillusionment with the current system.

All you have to do is sit in the comfort of your home ... or the hotspot at starbucks ... or whatever establishment you happen to patronize, come to my blog, look to the right side bar ... and vote :)

Yes ladies and gentlemen! Announcing the first poll on this site! Please feel free to vote.
One vote per person... and 6 days to go!!!

I really don't want to talk about a certain jail sentence of 2.5 years that was nullified by a certain president in a certain country here ... though given all the talk about voting and hence politics, one cannot help but think about it!

its been a while ...

initially, i didn't have time
then i decided to stay off the net for a while as i had a lot to complete
and then there was ...


well anyway.


i never thought that it would be difficult for me to write.
over the past few days, i have started quite a few times only to scrap the post halfway.
not sure whether this will make it to "publish" - but that is the intention.

it isn't that i don't have things to write about ... i haven't written for so long that i feel like a champagne bottle ... all the little bubbles of thought trying to burst forth ... just that i happen to be a sentient bottle with a desire to have some control over which bubble goes out when ...

while i was off the net, one of the blogs from my list of "blogs that I read" got deleted - no clue why. another, thankfully came back - her last post was under rather trying circumstances and then she just disappeared for a long while.

that is one problem i have had. blame me for being too attached to people i haven't even met and am not likely to meet in this life time.

say you meet someone on chat ... or you read someones blog ... and suddenly, one fine day, they disappear. what do you make of it? there is no way of finding out ... the only thing you have is a yahoo id or some blog URL which may not be working anymore.

while you always hope that something good has happened that has caused the person to leave the virtual world to do something more fulfilling in the real world perhaps ... there is always that uncertainty ...

like i said, probably i am the one to blame - for being to attached. i don't feel the same way for everyone that i pass on the streets (thankfully) ... but then what is different about the Internet?

some soul searching required.


a lot has happened since i last really wrote here ... from the massacre at Georgia tech to the ndtv report on the legal system in our country to the safe landing of space shuttle atlantis at St. Edwards (much to the disappointment of the local media i suspect)

things that i'd probably have written about ...
but i realize something. timing is very important. though how u feel about something may not change over the year, when you decide to do something about it really matters.

better late than never might be fine when it comes to driving.
better never than late is perhaps more appropriate when it comes to some other things in life.

.... and now i have screwed up the layout upgrade thing and have lost all the old links :(
just the sort of thing that I was talking about ... i have no way of recovering those links now!